military aviation jokes

It Bad Jokes That You Cant Help but Laugh At, Funny Photos That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud, Cheesy Pick-Up Lines Guaranteed to Get a Laugh, The Absolute Best Funny Movies of All Time, Weird Facts You Never Knew About Laughter, Work Cartoons to Help You Get Through the Week, Clever Wedding Jokes Perfect for Any Speech, We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. Ocean Pearl, I answered. I smiled and said, Sure was a lot of em, huh sir?. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Waxing his plane A pilot got up bright and early, and told his wife he was going to wash and wax his plane. She observed that the men now walked over 20 paces BEHIND their wives! Why? I asked. I've told you that I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Dario Leone is an aviation, defense and military writer. Aviation Humor. 64. Two Army second lieutenants started debating over certain distances. Halt! shouted our drill instructor. You had tents?, A drill sergeant yells at his young trainee, I didnt see you at camouflage training this morning, private!, The private replies, Well, thank you very much, sir., A general gets stuck in his Jeep on the side of the road. The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. They all originally set out to become Marines. In college, my freshman-year roommate was in ROTC and came from a long line of military men. During KP duty, my sergeant ordered me to prepare 100 gallons of soup for that nights dinner. It was sheer brilliance. No, we dont, she said. Caller: Sgt. You should always use any of that variety of jokes sparingly. Sometime later, when the examination was Coffee tastes better if the latrines are dug downstream from an encampment. He was holding a toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub underneath the rim of a toilet. Takeoffs are optional. Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner in our tent broke and it was 110 outside! Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you. P | Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. These 105+ Airplane Jokes Will Surely Soar At Your Next Party - Scary Mommy On-time Arrival Obscure term meaning unknown, 63. Cabin Attendant Two-legged mobile device for extracting cash from a captive audience, 56. Pilots 5. Building the Army is a part of the government's tasks, and the military is made to protect citizens during war-time. When the sailor finishes up, he heads to the sink to wash his hands. After a long pause, he thundered, The alphabet?!. The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. USA: Choppers Corporal Wabo is a former Infantry Squad Leader with 3rd Bn 4th Marines that specialized in Mortars. 2. Home Blog 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2022 Edition). [Easy] How to Clean Rust off of a Gun Without Damaging it? A drill serGENTLEMEN! P | Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. We are currently looking for former Marines to join the team who are interested in writing about tactical gear, survival gear, hiking supplies, etc. Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. As A.J. Trust us; we have plenty of those, too. [Answered]. P | Engine noise at an unbelievable high level. She's been working as a writer, editor, QA specialist, and SEO professional for more than four years. The good news: You got a bulls eye. Before my head could swell too much, he added, But it was in somebody elses target.. 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, LLC. Do not conduct live fire exercises at the generals (unattended) jeep, even if its parked in an area clearly marked Live Fire Zone. Hazing the new guy, he said with a grin. What do you call a group of kids who enlists in the military? The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a three-sixty in this airplane?, Without hesitating the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth! Military Jokes March to the beat of your own drum with these military jokes. We were inspecting several lots of grenades. While on maneuvers in the Mojave Desert, our convoy got lost, forcing our lieutenant to radio for help. I admit itI have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my creativity might get me in trouble. Did it work? He was holding a toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub underneath the rim of Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. Two PFCs are walking down the street and one of them says, Oh look, a dead bird. The other PFC looks at the sky and says, Where? 'There are bold pilots, and old pilots, but very few old bold pilots.' - 1930s Army Air Corps Sign. What is a Soldiers least favorite month? Did you make it all by yourself? Then, in a soft voice, he said, Probably. 42. Awesome page, I came out of the US Army in 92. Thanks for coming back for me, the airman said, jumping on the back of the scooter. 2. Caller: OK. Full Disclosure Here. If it doesnt move, pick it up. You had tents?" Tower "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7", Eastern 702 "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure by the way, after we lifted off, we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway", Tower "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7; did you copy the report from Eastern? The soldier remarked, How long was I in there for?. "They're all mine. My startled classmate sat up and responded, Place a temporary filling, sir!. Last year we shot six and the pilot let us put them all on board. The local band hired to greet them was playing a popular hit of the time, I Wonder Whos Kissing Her Now.. While waiting every one will come by multiple times except yours, 62. A Military lab has developed a pizza that boasts a shelf life of three years without being frozen, and now the Week has asked its readers to name this durable dish. Oh, youre a troop who survived pepper spray AND mustard gas? Its not weak, he replied. 1. If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. My friend has a really toxic relationship with Navy vessels. Now, I was shy of six feet tall, but when our drill sergeant called for all six-footers to line up, I stepped forward anyway. Why does the military have a strict dress code for ceremonies and events? One night, he returned to the dorm in his perfectly pressed uniform, his newly acquired name tag in his hand. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we landit's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern". His son had clearly focussed more on dividing rather than conquering. "Throw out more!" shouts the pilot. Aircraft Engineers 1. I lifted up my rifle and gave it one last try: George!! Later, I spoke with Mom. I will take the both of you for a ride. After working his magic, the barber exclaimed, There you go, Yank. Reluctantly, he showed it to me. The Scouts at least have adult supervision. Their one extravagance: a bare light bulb theyd hung from the ceiling. One guy was reading a newspaper article from back home about a congressional investigation into why some troops were living in relative luxury. He holds the bulb and then the world revolves around him to screw it in. Take a look at the military jokes about the U.S. Marine Corps below to find some hilarious quips. You might be in the Coast Guard if you think of Fridays as field days. Soldier: No, SIR!. What do you call a snail that boards a Navy ship? Thanks. 40. Stay out of clouds. A friend paid my mother a visit. One day you will walk out to your aircraft KNOWING that it is your last flight. Jokes Archives - Aviation Humor MARCH! Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you? the base operator asked him. My grandpa Bob was in the Navy. Hotel/Car Rental Shuttle Bus Vehicle subject to paranormal effects. and some others fell to the ground quickly and did their push-ups. HubPages is a registered trademark of The Arena Platform, Inc. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him umpteen times, Stop telling people Im in the Army! It finally seemed to hit home because on the admittance form for kindergarten, under fathers profession, the teacher wrote, He doesnt know what his father does, but hes not in the Army.. This class yielded some very famous aircraft, many we still use today. Theyre U.S. AF! Funny Aviation Jokes - BEST FUNNY JOKES Aboard a troop carrier crossing the Atlantic, I noticed a seasick pal of mine losing it over the railing alongside several other soldiers. Even those who work in relation to the military, such as the Department of Defense, or know someone that has served, are bound to find a few of these hilarious. My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. The modern age of military aviation is often considered to begin around the conclusion of the Vietnam war. The military refers to a collection of all the armed forces of a particular country.. The other Sergeants noticed that he looked more relaxed than ever. What do you call a military officer who goes to the bathroom a lot? 1. These military jokes about the United States Air Force are a mixed bag. Joke #1 Ask the Army to secure a building and they will set up a perimeter around it and make sure nobody gets out. ! The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing every day. Return to Humor Index. The captain returned my salute and responded, LMD 67. Countdown to Iditarod 2023: Tributes, jokes and celebrations as mushers The Funniest Aviation Jokes and Anecdotes - LetterPile A tank ran over a bag of popcorn and apparently, two kernels were killed! Individual use is by implied consent. Can You Name All 8 United States Uniformed Services? A military warrant officer saying Okay now watch this shit. Yeah, I got in a lot of trouble for that, the gunner said. What would you do if you came upon an injured man with a steering wheel embedded in his chest? Nervous and unsure, I blurted out, Drive him to the hospital? For some reason, the rest of the room found this hilarious. Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death ..I Shall Fear No Evil. Long Haul Scan the list below to find some hilarious military one-liners that will make your Navy friend laugh like crazy. To begin with, the U.S. in early 2022 had 38,500 troops stationed on German soil almost 40% of the total number it deploys in all of Europe. Fish Food. I just put them all together for your amusement. The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level. What do you use on your face to keep it so smooth? I During orientation at Fort Sill, in Oklahoma, our first sergeant stated that if anyone lost his locker key to see him, as he kept a master key in his office. Auld Lang Slice When the the Marine came back the Soldier nodded and thanked him for the drink, very pleased he pulled one over on the Marine. 5. Black said he jokes about getting a sense of what America thinks about its military by the movies that come out, and the only decent military movie in recent years, in his opinion, was "Top Gun . The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck. I thought I was on top of my game that day, Comedian Martha Raye was a great supporter of the military and made many trips to Vietnam to entertain the troops. (Hang up. My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his scooter when he passed an airman who didnt salute. Students are great about sending our troops letters, and the troops love em. I thought you had to be in relatively good shape to join the Marines.. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Do not use 27 packs of sticky notes to label everything in the barracks so the general wont have any questions during the inspection. A sailor and a marine are both in the bathroom peeing. When I heard him describe the impending birth of his first child as when the baby has boots on the A friend paid my mother a visit. His reply was quick and to the point: You didnt.. He would never get on my nerves, because he would always be gone. Gary Toohard. Killed bin Laden. Adding one, came from my saw carrying ARMY soldier: How many Marines does it take to fire a machine gun? and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. It was World War IIthe frontand we were on high alert. As part of my Naval Reserve requirements at Emory University Dental School, I attended a talk about proper dental procedures following nuclear warfare. So he yells to the soldiers in back to throw things out to make the plane lighter. But I had the last laugh. Rather than fire a shot, I shouted out the first half of the password: George! Fish Food. Hey, Im from Chicago too!. A lieutenant stood up and asked, Is that 24 hours our time or 24 hours their time?. 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2023 Edition) - Marine Approved From the Squawk Sheets - F-16 A Recruiter Misled You. What do you call someone who joined the military out of spite? Warren and Joy agreed and up they went. I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. Each branch has its own traditional jokes that have caused a lot of laughing for many years. Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. Every military branch thinks that theyre the best, the most important, and in their own way the hardest working. Either way, it is a simple gesture that will be sure to get a grin. and check out military jokes from other Vets, troops, and military support personnel! Want more amazing military jokes? 43. One day, the pilot of a single-engine Cherokee was told by the tower to hold short of the runway while a DC-8 landed. Here are some favorites from rallypoint.com: He then made his way to my side. 8.3.4 Modern aviation history. I served in Japan, said Uncle Sid. ", "Sir" she calmly answered, "if I'd had any of those items, I would have used them by now". During orientation at Fort Sill, in Oklahoma, our first sergeant stated that if anyone lost his locker key to see him, as he kept a master key in his office. We made a private sweep all the sunshine off the sidewalks. I felt confident as I aimed and squeezed the trigger of my carbine for my first shot. Good RAF Army Banter/Jokes - PPRuNe Forums But my fears were put to rest one day while getting into formation, which was determined by height. Perplexed, the fighter pilot asked, "So? Military Jokes Military Humor - Military News Humor Photos Picking up some unidentifiable gear, I said, I didnt get one of these! If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. How much noise can we make up here? Whats the difference between a special forces member of the Navy and an otter? We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. Why was the sergeant made when his son brought home an A in math? The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. Why does the military only allow dress shirts during ceremonies and events? One day, while out snapping photos, I was stopped by the military police, who asked for my letter from public affairs. Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers. Im 81 years old, he answered. He then asked conspiratorially, Do you want to keep your sideburns?I perked up. He is the Founder and . What does ARMY mean to you? 100+ Best Army Jokes And Puns | Kidadl Why? I asked. It is the law; and it's not subject to repeal. "It took us a while to find a new pilot." Why did the airplane get sent to his room? Marine: Wait, stop. Are you sure you followed the recipe?. When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. USMC: OHH! A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant, "and it took . He wanted to move out of the barracks as soon as possible. Please speak after the tone or, if you require more options, listen to the following numbers: A. The dog is there to bite the pilot if the man so much . An Army Drill Sergeant took some recruits the the mess hall. When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking cigars to make myself look more mature. S | Almost replaced left inside main tire. Fighter Training Manual Airspeed, Altitude, and Brains Two are always needed to successfully complete a flight, 7. 55+ Best Pilot Jokes That Fly | Kidadl They throw out a pistol. I thought I was on top of my game that day, but he was quite scrupulous, as evidenced by the fact that his written evaluation of me cited this issue: Instructor loses eye contact with class while writing on blackboard.. He snapped off a salute and responded, I dont know, sir! Turning to the sergeant, he asked, Gunnery, where is my foxhole? Being in the military is no laughing matter, but you know what can liven the spirits of those who serve or have served? The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. Marine: Wait, stop. 17. 30+ Best Military Jokes And Puns | Kidadl Did you hear about the big accident on base? Whats the difference between a fighter pilot and a fighter jet? Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. Do you have change for a dollar? Put your hand up if youre the laziest., 24 men raised their hands, so the senior chief turns to the last man and says, Why didnt you raise your hand, sailor?, The sailor replies, It was too much trouble, senior chief.. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminium going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. To the Soldiers surprise, the Marine was laughing about it. Me: Hello? The veteran bomber pilot answered, "Try this hot-shot". You know you cant outrun a bear, right?, The soldier said, The way I see it, I just have to outrun you.. 3) The pen used by the military meets 16 pages of military specs. We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. Me: Hello? What do pilots and air traffic controllers have in common? Guys, do you know some jokes related to military aviation? The steaming jungles of Vietnam were not my husbands first choice of places to spend his 21st birthday. The Soldier agreed, and when the Marine went to get his drink he started spitting in the Marines boots. A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts. I was awakened late one night by a phone call from nearby Fort Meade, in Maryland. Keep up with Katee on Instagram and linkedin.com. I waited for whoever it was to prove he was an American and reply with the countersign, Marshall. Instead, silence.George! The cruiser opened up, shells furiously flying all around the drone but not hitting it. I served in Korea, said Uncle Jerry. If at least ONE military joke below doesnt make you giggle, well, wed be concerned. Do not communicate with officers using only Madonna lyrics. Thank you, sir. the Soldier responds. 5. However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from We were inspecting several lots of grenades. You would think that being a submarine captain would pay well, but Ive heard that they cant keep their heads above water. !" Marine: "Wait, stop. August 15, 2021. 8. What do you call a Marines with an IQ of 160? He told them "you must find your own way to this beach head for 0600 tomorrow morning, there you will be tested like never before". During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had artistic abilities. Now, he said, when I say left, its the one that hurts.. The steaming jungles of Vietnam were not my husbands first choice of places to spend his 21st birthday. The Pentagon announced that its fight against ISIS will be called Operation Inherent Resolve. Not to mention, when spending many hours deployed and away from home, telling jokes and connecting through humor is the best way to avoid the difficulty of real life. Even better, have them explain the joke to you after and have a good laugh yourself. Please do not leave children or spouses, 14. The two lads objected strongly. Well, I, too, am a SEASONED Veteran! When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. OHH OHOH! This site contains affiliate links. What did you do? Spread the humor by leaving a secret written joke on a neighbor's stoop, a colleague's desk, or mail it to your best friend. S | Auto land not installed on this aircraft. In the 50s, I was a clerk typist at our base headquarters in Verdun, France. Why is the United States Air Force the most patriotic military branch? Civilian CASUAL TEES are not acceptable. I dont see it.. I instantly knew I was in the right outfit when I looked around. P | Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent. 35. Around midnight, I noticed movement behind a bush. While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then opened the floor to questions. Whats the difference between the Boys Scouts and the Army? Marine Approved is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associate Program. Rodrigues there? The gunners very first shot sent the drone into the water! I just shut down two engines, kid" came the sarcastic reply. Now, they are wanted for dessertion. 6. . So, instead, they put me in the Navy since I was a sub-marine. They cant seem to string three Ws together. What kind of grades do you need to have in order to join the Navy? I wanted to join the Marines but I fell just short of their requirements. A military aircraft had gear problems on landing, and as the plane was skidding down the tarmac the tower controller asked if they needed assistance. During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. Officer: Thats no way to address an officer! The LOUDEST Military Aviation PHOTOS Best Examples Of Aircraft Camouflage Oxcart/Blackbird Wind-Tunnel Test Models Things You Can See Almost Every Day In Dubai July 29, 2020 Fully Loaded Fighter Jets Showing Off July 2, 2020 Comical Google Maps Glitches With Airplanes May 2, 2020 Bomber Aircraft Low Passes. I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a very close shave. Sergeant, he said, what if we dont have any initials? Matthew Nazarian. 50. Did You Hear About The Accident at the Army Base? ", The customs agent began his interrogation "Ma'am, do you have any weapons, contraband, or illegal drugs in your possession? Co-Pilot: What?!. Our motto was We never retreat, we just backspace.. But before I could get out, he pointed to the other end of the building and said, The band entrance is that way. Gordon Van Otteren. She told me she warships them. You the eighth, the old Marine answered. It was our first day on the rifle range at Lackland Air Force Base. Airspeed, altitude, and brains: Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.. Even his son turned up. They came up with that name using Operation Random Thesaurus. Shotgun: Comparison for a First-Time Gun Buyer, What Are The Basic Parts Of Ammunition? February 24, 2023 Two B-52s Fly Over Tallinn For Estonia Independence Day Military Aviation February 23, 2023 F-35C . 100 Hilarious Airplane Jokes That Are Surely to Take Off Unless you're a pilot, an aeronautical engineer, a hang-around traveler, or simply someone who enjoys aviation, airplane jokes are surely right up your alley. After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them There are three rules in this mess hall- Shut up! Types of Rifles Every Shooter Should Know About, Rifle Vs. My father was serving in a port city in postWorld War II Germany when a ship laden with GIs docked. What happened Sergeant? 4) At the real-life Topgun programthe one the film was based onthere is a $5 fine for any staffer who references or quotes the movie. Its where we park the helicopters.. As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. From the pilot during his welcome message: We are pleased to announce that we have some of the best Flight Attendants in the aviation industry. Unfortunately, the sun was shining through a porthole right onto his face. I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. This is really good, he said. 54. Sent a recruit to medical-supplies office in search of fallopian tubes Turn it off and watch the pilot start sweating. Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. StrategyPage's Military Jokes and Military Humor.

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