According to Brontë’s close friend, fellow novelist Elizabeth Gaskell, Charlotte became pregnant shortly after her wedding in 1855 but was “attacked by a sensation of perpetual nausea and ever-recurring faintness”.
It goes beyond mere catharsis – it helps other women to put their unnamed pain into words.” This, I thought, is exactly what had helped me through my own anxiety and loneliness in the spring. I have so much to be grateful for I don’t even know where to begin. The more I thought about it, the more I realised it wasn’t just the fear of losing another pregnancy that was holding me back from posting. I know, of course, that it’s not uncommon: Miscarriage affects around one in four known pregnancies. I stood with the rest of the jury for nearly half an hour, my hand firmly glued to the bump. It’s mainly been vomit. Because to be honest – it hasn’t been rainbows and butterflies. When I got pregnant again, in June, I was able to enjoy a moment of pure, exultant joy and relief – then almost immediately began vomiting. Why? I was also struck by the LA-based actress, model and new mom Juliette Labelle’s (31k) honest Instagram posts throughout her pregnancy. In fact, there’s an increasingly popular theory to suggest that hyperemesis gravidarum is what killed one of my favourite novelists, Charlotte Brontë. 937 Followers, 529 Following, 19 Posts - See Instagram photos and videos from Juliette Labelle (@juliette.labelle) 2,404 Likes, 32 Comments - Juliette Labelle (@juliettelabelle) on Instagram: “finally living my Lizzie McGuire truth” What if it happens again?
But at this point in history, surely some of this pressure to have the perfect pregnancy is our own doing. I wrote to Juliette to ask what had compelled her to open up. I wrote to Juliette to ask what had compelled her to open up. I regret not doing that. Back in May, much as my husband, friends and family were incredibly supportive, the only thing that helped me see a glimmer of light at the end of what felt like the longest, darkest tunnel imaginable was other, unknown women’s stories. But somehow I’d never considered it might happen to me. 3,904 Likes, 75 Comments - Juliette Labelle (@juliettelabelle) on Instagram: “What a year. (You may recall that the Duchess of Cambridge suffered from a severe case of it during her three pregnancies – her trips to hospital were much documented at the time.) I felt nauseous to the point of incapacitation all day, every day, for three months. 5,209 Likes, 470 Comments - Juliette Labelle (@juliettelabelle) on Instagram: “Maxime Labelle Garber was born at home on Saturday morning at 6:14 am. Then, there was podcaster and influencer Hilaria Baldwin (824k) who posted a photo of herself crying upon discovering she’d had a miscarriage. During the Tudor era, for rich people at least, pregnancy was an entirely private process from beginning to end, one in which medical doctors were again, not included, on account of their being male. The famed hand linger makes a clarification between baby-on-board and simply a few too many croissants. Well, there’s the internal debate as to what should remain private and what should be for public consumption. It was… disgusting. So I guess this is my “big announcement”. Modern social media custom has it that once it’s time to “reveal” your pregnancy to the world, sometime after the three-month mark, you will want to tell your community – aka, your Instagram followers – your news with an attractive post in which you look smiley, happy, chic, motivated and proud of your perfect, newly visible bump. So, this piece is just going to have to do. The Victorians didn’t go shouting their good news from the rooftops, either. “According to media depictions of pregnancy, I should have been hit with a wave of bliss and happiness that comes with the territory.
Nevertheless, while I have a healthy Instagram following of over 100k followers and have become accustomed to sharing elements of my life online, coming up to five months pregnant I cannot seem to bring myself to post my own pregnancy “announcement”. I’m starting to get why Meghan was so obsessed with that pose and adopted it for every photo throughout her pregnancy, to much (unkind) mockery. Public-facing women are beginning to bravely come forward about their suffering.
It’s easy – and common Instagram etiquette once again – to just blame the patriarchy for everything. Nothing.
Not only because in my experience the sickness is far worse in the late afternoons and evenings, but also because this breezy name doesn’t do the affliction justice. Where exactly was this discomfort coming from?
The writer Pandora Sykes, who explored the growing candour around pregnancy and motherhood in the Evening Standard earlier this month, described the rub well: “I do not tend to share my vulnerabilities,” she wrote. At the time, Brontë’s death was ascribed to then-common tuberculosis but a growing number of biographers, including Claire Harman, suggest she died from dehydration and malnourishment due to vomiting caused by severe morning sickness. I had a miscarriage back in May. “But I am immensely grateful for the women who do. Back in May, when in my second check-up my doctor told me that she couldn’t find a heartbeat, I experienced what was without a doubt the most traumatic moment of my thus far privileged existence.
I spent long nights awake pouring over blogs and newspaper and magazine articles documenting other women’s experiences similar to – and often more tragic than – my own. 2,745 Likes, 29 Comments - Juliette Labelle (@juliettelabelle) on Instagram: “yes i’m in cabo and yes i’m wearing a cashmere turtleneck”
I didn’t think I had the strength. Something is changing, though. How unfair was I being to these women if I simply contributed to the ever-growing cacophony of happy baby posts clogging up their feeds? I found it was still on the list of non-fatal female diseases that we hadn’t yet bothered finding a cure for. I never experienced that elusive ‘glow’; in fact, I felt the exact opposite. 31.8k Followers, 2,151 Following, 363 Posts - See Instagram photos and videos from Juliette Labelle (@juliettelabelle) My body was run down, tired, and I had no control over it.” I could relate. Today this custom is practiced by influencers and normal people alike. It was also a sense of guilt about only sharing the good when I hadn’t shared the bad. I was also struck by the LA-based actress, model and new mom Juliette Labelle’s (31k) honest Instagram posts throughout her pregnancy. I could relate to that, too. Glossing over pregnancy problems, then, is not native to the Instagram age.
At four and a half months along, I expected: “Do you know if it’s a boy or a girl?”; “How are you feeling?”; or indeed, “When is your due date?” But “announcement”? But posting about this new pregnancy felt like glossing over what had happened, when I knew so many people were still in the thick of the pain I’d experienced. It felt unfair to any reader or follower – like a half truth. “So, when’s the big announcement then?” This is the question I have most frequently been asked since I began relating news of my pregnancy to friends and work acquaintances a month ago. “Well, why don’t you just wear really tight stuff from now on?” my friend at lunch added, not unhelpfully. I AM SO GODDAMN…” Furthermore, thanks to the fact that accurate pregnancy tests hadn’t been invented, and that regular periods among the lower classes were unusual due in large part to malnutrition, many Tudor women did not realise they were pregnant until they actually felt the baby moving, somewhere around the five-month mark. While processing these feelings on her Instagram account, she had found to her surprise that many other women had had similar experiences but hadn’t felt comfortable talking openly about them. Now, I think I should have forced myself. “People are going to notice at some point,” said a friend over lunch the other day. A woman would commence her “lying in” up to two months before giving birth, in a dark, stuffy room designed to replicate the womb (considered vital to her future child’s health). Pregnancy implied sex – a subject to be avoided at all costs. It’s not like this is a new disease. But my finger still hovers stubbornly above the post button and resists. I threw up every evening without fail. I have never before…” Looking back, I guess I should have written about my experience at the time, when I needed to read someone else’s most. Disturbed by my normally dynamic sister-in-law’s affliction, I began researching hyperemesis gravidarum.
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