Dozens of bodies coming in by helicopter and without exception, every single one of them is mangled in some way. Trapper contemplates removing the prisoner's I.V. Klinger: No, sir, electronics. Makes me proud every time I throw up. Major, dear, you're drunk. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce: I don't think I needed that.
My last wish is to be buried in my mother's wedding gown.
: Hey, this is no way to throw a party. Frank Burns: Why is someone's appendix in this boot? They hate me, don't they? Col. Sherman Potter: If you don't mind, I rehearsed this as a single. Captain at I-Corps: It's all clear, Colonel.
Or do nothing with the people that make you happy." I have to work with them!
Had to use parts from other horns. Bug out! Dance til dawn, give a cheer. Major Margaret Houlihan: Oh you'd just love to see me squirm, wouldn't you?
Hawkeye: I wouldn't not a word, but if I did that word would be MAGNIFICENT, would that be bad? Walter Eugene 'Radar' O'Reilly: That's the way it runs sometimes, sir.
Major Charles Winchester: Ah, to sleep... perchance to dream. "Trapper John" McIntyre: You're kidding. Maj. Charles Emerson Winchester III: [On the phone with Radar's mother, who is about to deliver a calf] Alright, listen carefully, Mrs. O'Reilly. Radar: Oh, yeah? Capt. . Hawkeye: We could patent that, you know? Hawkeye: How should I know it's you liver? Did you get at those weekly reports, or are you sitting there with your feet up, smoking my cigars?
Maj. Frank Burns: He's pretending to be violent. Trapper: [Trapper sticks his head in the door] Hey, you guys wanna see the pinstripe suit of all time? Hawkeye: Yeah, and let me tell you something else: you're wasting your time with that stuff. Hunnicut: [incredulously] You were a fire eater before you became a doctor! Capt. Cheap glass, that's all that is. We have 'til next week 'til we're even. Hawkeye: Look you can't lay all that on my shoulders.
It's only a movie. Meanwhile, the head nurse is busy trying to yump on someone's yiminy. Sure, I - I keep picturing myself on a corner with a tin cup selling thermometers, but I'm going through something here I didn't expect. You know plenty English. Frank Burns: [pleasantly surprised] Wilco! Your tent or my father's Chevy? Walter "Radar" O'Reilly: [convincing Col. Potter that he can rest] I signed tomorrow's forms yesterday. Army Capt. "Trapper John" McIntyre: Giving the wall a physical again, Radar? He asks for one. Hunnicut: [Charles is listening to classical music on his victrola] Hey, we got us a new record player.
Col. Potter: You too young to die, Pierce? Remains to be seen in the Swamp. Father Mulcahy: Colonel, an ambulance has turned over in the compound, you better come on the double. Henry Blake: Klinger, aren't you ashamed of yourself? [Henry Blake, Hawkeye and Trapper are watching a nudie flick in Henry's office]. https://www.quotes.net/movies/m*a*s*h_quotes_104308. Col. Potter: Listen, when you're in love, you're always in trouble. Col. Sherman T. Potter: Affects me the same way. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce: [B.J.
Affluence. B.J. It's modeled after the Chicago sewer system.
This is a war you know! Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly: Wait for it. Margaret: It hasn't been a scarf in weeks. mail deliverer: I don't care if it's from Dr. Pepper, I need a receipt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce: Please, Beej. One of the nurses: So, I'm going to stay in nursing, but I want to be in maternity or pediatrics. Army Capt. Cpl. Capt. Hawkeye: "You are invited to my tent tomorrow night at 1900 hours. Scotch and water okay? That's beautiful. Are you telling me this is true? Cpl./Sgt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce: Right! But now I know it's more than that. B.J. Igor Straminsky: Actually, sir, they're pretty good today.
Henry Blake: Look, I am glad this has come up. Corporal Maxwell Q. Klinger: I never relax, people might start to think I like it here.
Hawkeye: If Flagg wasn't mean, rotten and evil, the man wouldn't have any personality. Otherwise, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you all to take a step up.
Capt. B.J. .”, “And those who are wise shall shine like the brightness of the sky above; and those who turn many to righteousness, like the stars forever and ever.” ~Daniel 12:3”, “Esther, I don’t know what I’m going to do without you when you go. About that? All I want is a brief conversation. Lt. Col. Henry Blake: Radar will be the housing officer. Father Mulcahy: Let me have Coney Island. Major Charles Winchester: To our fathers. He's says, you're the doctor.
Capt. [Hawkeye's old flame has arrived at the camp]. I got a blister from going [strumming his lips] blblblblbl... Col. Potter: [on the phone] Pierce, we miss you here. Maxwell Klinger: [calm & philosophical] Forgive me, Captain, but only through accepting others for what they are will you find true inner tranquility. Come on, I told ya, I'm not kidding, don't touch me. B.J. Cpl. Maxwell 'Max' Q. Klinger: Stray bomb appears out of nowhere. Capt.
Quotes from This Star Won't Go Out: The Life and Words of Esther Grace Earl.
You'd better get on the phone to ICORPS. Maj. Frank Burns: Since when are you two interested in the Bible? Which is more that I can say about your piano playing. Who'd have guessed? Colonel Sherman T. Potter (after Col. Flagg walks into his office with a 'disguise' of an Italian soldier): "Be with you in a minute Flagg...Nice suit, your clown outfit in the cleaners?". Father Francis Mulcahy: Well, bless my soul!
Maj. Sidney Freedman: Major, I've never seen you in your summer uniform.
Cpl. Snot! Col. Potter: A simple "crapped out" will be sufficient, Major. Same size, same shape. OH! Sweeney: Oh that's good. I don’t know how I can get along. B.J. : You really this that's the same? Maj. Charles Emerson Winchester III: Congratulations, Klinger. When you steal something, don't ever try to return it. This is my chance! Capt. Frank Burns: [into a walkie-talkie] Any allied personnel, if you receive me, here is my position.
Capt. Margaret: My report is going to General Mitchell! No, these are too small. I mean... hah... Major Houlihan's an old war horse! Hawkeye: Didn't like it? He'd be the son we never had.
Army Capt. offer you some of the highlights. Capt. Rosie: Sure Klinger, anything for a friend... 5 dollars. Col. Potter: [singing in the shower] I like to go swimmin' with bow-legged women and swim between their legs... swim between their legs... swim between their legs... Hawkeye: [about to operate on a patient] All right, folks, time to beat your feet on the Mississippi mud.
We save her from death, they save us from lunch. Major Margaret Houlihan: Leave me alone, you chinless chipmunk! Henry Blake: Gee whiz, that's a bit strong, sir. Maj. Charles Emerson Winchester III: Rather than sing, Super Mouth, why not try leaping off a tall building in a single bound? Margaret: And these two are at the top of my list! You were capable of murder! Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce: [of Margaret] She's no fun when Donald's relaxed. Hawkeye: [a Western movie is being shown] Three to one I'll take the Indians.
Very dumb. Hawkeye: Everybody runs around half naked. Hunnicut: Nothing is bothering you? Capt. You know I don't need you to tell me what's what. Well, you can just forget it. Player with railroads and the nation's freight handler. Hawkeye: Frank, you better take two yellow reds and go to sleep. Sgt. Hawkeye: What do you know? And I feel the same way about Trapper and I never even met him. Margaret: [bursting in] Who left the dead minnows in my pocket? Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce: Sydney, Venice is a vacation. Hawkeye: Well, I guess you wouldn't kid me about a thing like that.
Cpl. Henry Blake: [after the latrine explodes while he's in it] "Boom! Hawkeye: [after barging in and startling Charles, causing him to spill his wine on himself] Guess who, Charles! Cpl.
If I don't eat regularly, everything solid in my body turns to liquid.
Margaret: [very drunk] Oh. Capt. Hawkeye: No, that's not it.
Cpl. Lieutenant Suzanne Marquette: Why do I feel safe here with you? We want it done right.
Maj. Charles Emerson Winchester III: Now I see.
H-e-double toothpicks! We've never ignored one of those.
Maj. Margaret Houlihan: It's a good thing I'm a lady, or you'd need a nurse buddy. Maj. Frank Burns: OK. Let's count to three and then we'll hang up together. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly: I've checked with everyone from Nurse Able to Sergeant Zale. More's the pity. Maj. Charles Emerson Winchester III: An adjective fails me, but you see... Sgt. PA System Announcer: Sorry to interrupt your peace bulletin, folks, but we got wounded in the compound. Major Margaret Houlihan: Oh, Frank, that's so high school! We're one of you!
Dr. Randolph Kent: Father is the butler. 'Cause we've decided to get married. Colonel Wortman: [covers phone] I'll provide the fighting.
Capt. Radar: The corporals in the army, ya say we're really green. Capt. Capt.
And I'm rather fond of it. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce: What are mothers for?
Some day, he'll be older than I am, and [slur] 'n-I'll show him up! Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce: He can't operate form there, his arms aren't long enough.
Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce: Was the gun loaded? You have to take chances. B.J. PS: That's an order." Henry Blake: [cleaning his new oak desk] I'll bet you don't know what kind of wood this is. Get the lead out! Hawkeye: Run up an alley and holler "fish.". Walter "Radar" O'Reilly: You're pregnant sir? I'd rather be barbecued myself with an apple shoved up my face! [Discussing Trapper's opponent in a boxing tournament]. [collapses, still laughing, on Major Houlihan]. Col. Potter: Come on, boys. Hawkeye: Keep them spinning counter-clockwise! Flush 'em out of the skies! Trapper: Radar, get your hand off my knee. But rent one first, see if you like it. B.J.
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